Wednesday, July 18, 2007

How To Pass a Drug Test

Wednesday's Frat Boy News Pause for the Cause

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How to pass the standard urine drug test required by many employers. The easiest way to pass such a test is not to take the drugs being tested for. This how-to mainly focuses on what to do if you have so indulged.

1. Know your rights. It might be illegal to deny employment based on the results of a drug test. You might also have the right to retake the test with a new sample, or have the testing center reexamine your old sample.

2. Know detection periods for the drugs you are using. For example, alcohol is detectable for 12-24 hours after consumption, while cannabis (marijuana) can stay in the system anywhere between 2-3 days to 12 weeks (with 3-4 weeks being the norm), depending on frequency of use. Try to take the test as late as possible.

3. Drink plenty of water before the test. This will dilute the urine, making it difficult for the testing service to get reliable results. They might want you to provide them with a new sample, by which time, detectable quantities of the substances might have passed out of the system. You may also go to a store such as GNC, they have drinks there filled with B vitamins, you must also drink about a gallon of water to make sure. This is a definite pass.

4. Create false positives by taking over the counter medication, e.g Tylenol. This, like in step 3, will interfere with the ability of the testing service to provide accurate results. Do Not take more than the recommended daily allowance of Tylenol. This can have very serious effects on your liver and can be fatal, even if you don't feel ill, or notice any symptoms.

5. If you have been doing opiates, tell them you had a poppy seed bagel or two. This can create a false positive for opiates. (Do not actually eat poppy seed bagels)

6. Switch samples. Get a urine sample from a friend who will not test positive, conceal it and carry it to the test site, and pour it into the collection bottle. Most tests require about 100 ml of sample, which can be easily stored in a ziploc bag taped to your body, or underneath the soles of your shoes. Although most testing sites will require you to remove items from your pockets, it is still possible to sneak in another sample.

7. Drink LOTS (2 gallons) of cranberry juice if you have been doing cocaine and you can get it out of your system in a day.

8. Substitute your urine for some synthetic urine (e.g. Quick Fix or Ultra Pure) and make sure it is the recommended temperature range of 94°-100°F

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