Hey Guys, Can I Come To Your Party?

The Frat Boy News Daily College Column
By Tim Engle, McClatchy Newspapers

Dear guys in the apartment on the top floor, Welcome to the building.

And now that we have the niceties out of the way, did you two know you're not the only people who live here? Surprise! And there are a few other things we need to tell you:

Fun as it must be to toss beer bottles from your balcony down to the street, it's time to face reality: You're not living in the frat house anymore. And no doubt you want to unwind when you get home from work at 2 in the morning, but playing "Black Magic Woman" over and over at top volume really isn't cool. Most of us actually have to sleep at night.

Next time you're having a party (tonight - right?), please ask your friends not to park in spaces reserved for residents. Also, if you'd like to avoid having the police show up again, try inviting your neighbors.

Don't leave your laundry in the washing machines or dryers for hours after it's done.

Don't run the vacuum after, say, 10 at night. Or, in your guys' case, don't throw bowling balls at the wall then. (Or whatever it is you're doing.) Don't run up the stairs late at night.

Don't put a bunch of junk or trash outside your door. It's not very sanitary, and sometimes it smells bad.

Standing out in the hallway smoking isn't exactly taking it outside. Your smoke rolls right under other people's doors. Really, all we're talking about is common courtesy here. Now that we have all that out of the way, when's the party? What can we bring?

Sincerely,

Your neighbors

P.S. Those obnoxious wind chimes - those aren't yours, are they?