On Himself, in a Can and on a Wall; You gotta Love Jersey

The Frat Boy News daily campus police report for Friday:

College of New Jersey (compiled by Myles Ma, The Signal)
Jan. 27 - time unknown: Police officers spotted a male on the street having trouble walking. The officers exited the vehicle and approached him. As they did so, he stumbled and almost fell multiple times. The officers also noticed the smell of alcohol on him, and he appeared to have urinated on himself. When questioned, he could not remember how much he had to drink. He was transported to a hospital and issued a summons for underage possession of alcoholic beverages.

Jan. 27 - 4:05 a.m.: Police responded to a report of an intoxicated male. Upon arrival, they found the male in his room with his head inside a garbage can. The student was transported to a hospital and issued a summons for underage possession of alcoholic beverages.

Jan. 27 - 7:45 p.m.: Police officers responded to a report from Wolfe Hall. There they met with a Community Advisor, who said that someone had defaced one of the murals painted on the wall. The defacement was written in magic marker, and included the word "fuck."