Hard Nipples at GW

The Frat Boy News Daily College Column
By Eve, George Washington University Sex Columnist

Since we started soliciting questions, I have been getting some fabulously interesting ones, but also some terribly offensive ones.

Listen, folks, I am a sex columnist, and I know that phrases like "jizz juice" and "donkey punch" come with the territory. But I am not a smelly pirate whore, so whoever you are who anonymously sent me the note about how much you "love to make your girlfriend get on her knees three times a day. I love to make her feel submissive, like she's nothing," you are writing to the wrong girl. I love sex, and I love kink, but I love people, too. Get it right or cut it off.

And now, a genuinely interesting question from a super sexy GW nymphet.

Dear Eve,

Do girls notice when guys have hard-ons as much as we notice when their nipples are hard?

-Can't Stand Up After Class in a Chilly Room

Not even close. Nipples are not called "headlights" for no reason: they are bright and obvious. We can't sit down and hide our nipples. We can't put a notebook over our nipples. We can't tuck our nipples under our belt (which is a very clever move, you sly boots). The penis, though much larger (in most cases) than any nipple, is much more easily concealed.

Obviously, when we are pressed against you, we can feel your erection quite distinctly. This is a good thing if we have decided to lie down in a bed with you or let you press us up against a wall and kiss us like you haven't kissed in years. This is a bad thing if you are a stranger in a club or at a bar. Note the distinction.