Fake IDs, Toilet Paper, and Hobos Who Think They're Jesus

The Frat Boy News daily campus police report for Sunday:

University of Alberta (compiled by Mike Ott, The Gateway)
Jan. 28 - 12:55 p.m.: Police found a familiar male loitering outside the library. The man believed himself to be Jesus, and 5-0 issued him an official trespass notice. He was told the consequences of entering campus in the future, a fact our friend disputed as he claimed to be studying to get a Master’s degree. The man then became agitated and starting pacing back and forth. He stated he would be in contact with his lawyer.

Jan. 24 - 1:05 a.m.: A woman was found sleeping near the library. Campus Security learned that she had been sleeping there for at least three nights in a row; since she was mentally ill and had no fixed address, constables left her in the care of the Women’s Emergency Action Centre.


University of Arizona (compiled by Laura Ory, The Wildcat Online)
Jan. 24 - time unknown: A student was cited for having a fake driver's license. The student's wallet was found by an unknown person and returned to the polic. Police found the fake ID card in the wallet that stated he was 21 years old. The man was actually 19. When police asked him about the fake ID when he came to pick up the wallet, he said, "I usually leave it at home."

Jan. 24 - time unknown: A student's car keys and fitness pass were stolen from the women's locker room in the Student Recreation Center. The student said she placed her keys, backpack and sweater in an unlocked locker around 4:30 p.m. When she returned to the locker at 5:30 p.m., the keys and fitness pass were missing. Her car was not stolen. Police have no witnesses or suspects.

Murray State University (compiled by Emily Wuchner, The News)
Jan. 31 - 8:34 p.m.: Reports of a vehicle toilet papered in the Roy Stewart Stadium parking lot. The roommate of the vehicle owner was advised and no damage was found on the vehicle.

Jan. 31 - 10:55 p.m.: An officer talked to a driver of a vehicle doing donuts in a parking lot. The driver was advised of the consequences of reckless driving.