Monday, March 12, 2007

How To Give a Blowjob With Strep Throat

The Frat Boy News Daily College Column
By Eve, George Washington University's sex columnist for The GW Hatchet

Can I give a guy a blowjob if I have strep throat? Since I'm on antibiotics for it, my birth control isn't working and I want to do something.
- Sore but Sexy in Ivory Tower

Let me preface this by saying that you can do whatever you want. But now I'm going to do everything in my power to talk you out of performing this disgusting, slimy, swollen debacle of oral sex. Strep throat in grown-ups is often characterized by a high fever, difficulty swallowing, shortness of breath, and a pus-like coating over the tonsils. For starters, you probably are not able to breathe out your nose when you have strep, so you might pass out during the act. Everybody loves a half-finished blow job and an unconscious chick.

Second of all, you have pus on your tonsils. That pus is what makes your throat burn. When it interacts with semen (which it will do even if you do not let him finish in your mouth, hell-O, pre-cum?), it will feel like his penis just shot fire into your throat. Sexy.

And third, poorly treated strep throat can lead to a myriad of diseases. Even on antibiotics, stressing out your throat when you have strep can lead to rheumatic fever. Rheumatic fever is a disease from, like, the Oregon Trail that causes damage to your heart valves and can kill you. Do you really want your gravestone to read "Here Lies Sore and Horny, Who Could Not Wait Until the Pus Cleared from Her Throat to Give Head. Now She's Dead."

So, like I said, do whatever you want. But giving head when you have strep throat is gross. And you'll die.

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